What’s the impact of your self-talk on your quality of life? Your potential for success? Your ability to fulfill your dreams? The answer is more than you think!
The Power of Words
The great motivational speaker Zig Zigler taught that you could change your entire life by the words you speak over yourself. When someone asked him “how are you?”, his answer was an over the top, unqualified, “Better than good!”
What’s your answer to this question- “how are you?” Do you answer “okay, I guess,” “fair” or “not that good” or “could be better?” By speaking words of lack, mediocrity, and ill-health over yourself – you are day-by-day, convincing yourself of this truth. When I am asked that question, my unqualified answer is “Great!”
What if you responded, “Great!” with the same enthusiasm as Tony the Tiger in the old television commercial or that Shaq O’Neill does in the new one? Can you really say “Great!” and not have a smile on your face? Can you say “Great” and not feel your heart rate uptick a bit, or feel energy flood your cells. Try it – say GREAT! and take note of your physical, emotional, and spiritual response.
An Experiment
When I first heard Zig’s advice, at a business building conference, I thought it a bit off putting. What if I didn’t feel “great?” Why would I lie about it? What if I really was sick, broke, and unhappy? Why would I say “GREAT” like Tony the Tiger? Why should I pretend to be happy (great, even) when I am dissatisfied with my life?
- Because if you say so – so it is! If you say “I am weak” then, over time, your mind hearing this, will be convinced of your weakness and — you are right.
- Because if you say, “I will never lose this last 20 pounds,” – you are right.
- Because if you proclaim, “I will never be successful,” – you are right.
- Because if you utter, “I will never feel well” – you are right.
- Because if you play the reel of your failed romances, and repeat “I will never find a mate” – you are right.
- Because if you recall your failures, and prophesy “I am a failure” – you are right.
Zig issued a challenge to my audience to simply change their response to the “how are you?” question. I chose the simple word, “Great!” Can I tell you that making this word my “normal” response changed my life?
A Transformation
Eventually, it was second nature. I easily responded GREAT! Not only that, it was true! People would ask me if I really was “great” and I really had to answer “yes” because I really was. In hindsight, I can see that every area of my life changed for the better from this small start.
The wisdom writer, Solomon says “as he thinks within himself, so he is.” Ouch! Male or female, the biggest source of degrading, unfulfilling, doubt-filled words over our lives likely comes from our own self-talk. How many times do the words that you speak about yourself (whether audibly, under your breath, or in your sub-conscious) come from a place of self-pity, self-doubt, self-hatred, worthlessness, hopelessness, depression, or disappointment? How often do you speak profanities over yourself – calling yourself stupid, idiotic, dumb… and worse?
Right about now, you might protest and say the negative self-concept you have comes not from yourself, but from your mother, father, spouse, former lover, boss, or whoever. That is probably true. Taken in full context, the words of Solomon suggest that the negativity of our hearts is contagious- to the degree that he counsels – do not eat the food served by a selfish man – because that misery in his heart will pass on to you and upset your stomach. It is no surprise that people who speak negatively of themselves also berate their children, their spouses, their neighbors, and anyone else they come into contact with. In effect, they pass on this toxicity and negativity as they might a virus.
Speaking of a virus, at the time of this writing, the world is in the midst of a pandemic. The impact has been widespread and devastating in the U.S. and around the world. Not one nation on the planet has been spared, not one people group has been spared, not one ethnicity, strata, or gender, has been spared. Can your life be “great” in the midst of a pandemic? In the midst of unimaginable loss? In the midst of uncertainty? Yes. Circumstances will change. You will have to adjust and readjust to varying conditions. You may need a therapist, counselor, coach, or other advisors to help you through the rough spots. But the attitude you bring to it is the difference between “fair to middlin’” and great. And that attitude or mindset shift makes all the difference in the world.
Unfortunately, as we say vicious, hurtful things to and about ourselves, circumstances, and futures- those words are often much worse and harsher than we would say to a stranger, let alone say to someone we love. Self-inflicted hurt is often repeated. The words preview our conduct, and eventually, that self-talk is manifested as reality. You have become what you spoke over yourself.
Here is the wonderful thing – you can control what comes from your mouth. You can stop the cycle that arose in your family of origin. You can change your environment. You can change your brain. You can begin to be “GREAT!” You can encourage yourself! You can call out your good qualities, strengths, and victories (and rejoice in them). You can tell yourself that you are good. You can look in the mirror and complement your good looks, your wonderful hair, your perfectly set eyes, your intellectual brilliance, and your celebratory efforts. You can experience your future right now.
Why wait? Right now, rather than degrade yourself, purpose to admire the absolutely unique, and marvelously awesome, YOU!
A Challenge
Accept the challenge that I accepted from Zig Zigler, 30 years ago. For 70 days, when someone asks how are you, upgrade your response from the middle of the road, mediocre, half-stepping place where you usually are. Respond with something that makes your enthusiasm for life soar. Do it every single time. Respond that you are “great,” “fantastic,” “wonderful,” “awesome” or like Zig, “better than good!” Chose a word that represents a positive response about where you want to be and where you are going, let that be your response. And remember, it’s not a lie – it’s a process. Believe it, and watch it become your truth. Let me know what happens when you try this simple practice. I can’t wait to hear.
Resources:
Ziglar, Zig, Better Than Good: Creating a Life You Can’t Wait to Live (2010)
Holy Bible, Proverbs 23:6-7 (NASB, 1995)
“The Impact of Coronovirus on Households across America,” https://www.rwjf.org/en/library/research/2020/09/the-impact-of-coronavirus-on-households-across-america.html#:~:text=COVID%2D19%20has%20created%20serious,problems%20during%20the%20coronavirus%20outbreak (accessed online on March 20, 2021).