Category Archives: Loving

A DNA of Love

March 28, 2021 Published by: gracebc813@gmail.com

The celebrations of Passover and Holy Week coincide this year, which always strikes me as a time for contemplation and joy. It was at such a celebration, just as the last of the lamb, bitter herbs and other symbolic foods of the Passover were consumed that Jesus began what would be his parting instructions to his disciples. In the style of one who has much to say, but without much time to say it, he began with the most important things, so his first command is a significant one.

“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.”
John 13:34-35

By what marking?

Jewish men were known among the people of the era by the outward sign of circumcision. This was a culture where outward displays were used to signify who you were, what you were, and to define your status in the culture. (Not unlike us today). A Roman centurion could be readily identified by his distinctive uniform. A bondservant, by the awl through an earlobe. Wealth and royalty could be distinguished by a crimson or purple garment. By what marking would a disciple of Christ be known?

Christ’s answer must have been shocking to these 1st-century disciples. You are to love, and keep on loving each other. You will be known by the way you love each other. They would not be known by their phylacteries on their forehead, or by a head covering; nor by a cross or a tattoo. No, people would know Christ’s disciples by the way they love. Barnes suggests that this commandment “showed the strength of attachment which we ought to have for Christians, and how ready we should be to endure hardships, to encounter dangers, and to practice self-denial, to benefit those for whom the Son of God laid down his life.” (Barnes, Commentary on John 13:34-35)

By what means?

Many translations say “you are to keep on loving each other” to signify the Lord’s intent that this was not a mere platitude of love, but a constant action, a state of being. (e.g. The Complete Jewish Bible). Their model was Christ himself. They were to model among themselves and to others, the love of Christ. The word for love used in this scripture is the Greek word “agape.” This defines a type of love completely selfless, so awesome in its character that many describe it as God’s love, which suggests that it is unattainable. But Jesus said this kind of love was not only possible for those who were His disciples to manifest; it was expected. It is a COMMAND.

In the twenty-one centuries since Christ, science has revealed that in our cellular structure is Deoxyribonucleic acid (DNA), a nucleic acid that contains the genetic instructions used in the development and functioning of all known living organisms and some viruses. From DNA, our physical characteristics can be predicted, disease can be anticipated, our genealogies traced, and our identities known.

According to this passage, love is in the spiritual DNA of his disciples. In their letters, John, Peter, and Paul expanded upon and encouraged us regarding this unusual badge by which a follower of the Way of Christ would be known. However, none is better known than Paul’s great exposition on love in 1 Corinthians 13. According to Paul, without love, we are nothing. It is patient, kind, and not jealous. Love is neither arrogant nor braggadocios; it acts appropriately without seeking its own interests, without provocation, without keeping account of a wrong suffered. Love rejoices in truth and despairs of unrighteousness. Love bears, believes, hopes, and endures. Love never fails.

By what measure?

The agape kind of love seems impossible to accomplish, doesn’t it? But it is in your nature. It is in your spiritual DNA. How much work does it take for your hair to grow in its distinctive color? Or your eyes and skin in their unique hues? Do you worry that you will wake up looking like someone else because your DNA malfunctioned? Yet, we sometimes cannot fathom that we are equipped to love each other just as our Lord instructed.

My pastor used to challenge us – would you be convicted in a court of law of being a disciple of Christ’s? As a lawyer, this measure spoke volumes to me. Is there sufficient evidence in my life of my love for the brethren? Is there preponderant evidence in my actions that I love the poor, the sick, the incarcerated, the widows, or the homeless on our streets? Is there clear and convincing evidence in my checkbook of my commitment to love by supporting the unlovable, the forgotten, the hopeless, and helpless? Does my life prove my discipleship beyond a reasonable doubt?

Would a jury convict me? An honest answer is that often, the answer has been, no, I’d be acquitted. I’ve been incognito. I’ve been unrecognizable at times. I have utterly failed at others. But the good news is that it is not too late to adopt and adapt. To continue the analogy, the evidentiary record is still open. It is not too late to love. It is not too late to be known as a lover of the people. It is not too late to don the garment of love.

Our discipleship will not be measured by the “fish” or flag plastered on your vehicles, the scripture or symbol tattooed across your chest, the cross around your neck, or the fine markings in your well-worn Bible. No, everyone knows you and recognizes you as a disciple by the way you love. Won’t you challenge yourself to be a disciple who loves and keeps on loving? I’d look forward to hearing your thoughts in the comments below.

Living Loving Productivity Social Commentary Uncategorized

If you say so . . . so it is

March 21, 2021 Published by: gracebc813@gmail.com

What’s the impact of your self-talk on your quality of life? Your potential for success? Your ability to fulfill your dreams? The answer is more than you think!

The Power of Words

The great motivational speaker Zig Zigler taught that you could change your entire life by the words you speak over yourself. When someone asked him “how are you?”, his answer was an over the top, unqualified, “Better than good!”

What’s your answer to this question- “how are you?” Do you answer “okay, I guess,” “fair” or “not that good” or “could be better?” By speaking words of lack, mediocrity, and ill-health over yourself – you are day-by-day, convincing yourself of this truth. When I am asked that question, my unqualified answer is “Great!”

What if you responded, “Great!” with the same enthusiasm as Tony the Tiger in the old television commercial or that Shaq O’Neill does in the new one? Can you really say “Great!” and not have a smile on your face? Can you say “Great” and not feel your heart rate uptick a bit, or feel energy flood your cells. Try it – say GREAT! and take note of your physical, emotional, and spiritual response.

An Experiment

When I first heard Zig’s advice, at a business building conference, I thought it a bit off putting. What if I didn’t feel “great?” Why would I lie about it? What if I really was sick, broke, and unhappy? Why would I say “GREAT” like Tony the Tiger? Why should I pretend to be happy (great, even) when I am dissatisfied with my life?

Because if you say so – so it is! If you say “I am weak” then, over time, your mind hearing this, will be convinced of your weakness and — you are right.
Because if you say, “I will never lose this last 20 pounds,” – you are right.
Because if you proclaim, “I will never be successful,” – you are right.
Because if you utter, “I will never feel well” – you are right.
Because if you play the reel of your failed romances, and repeat “I will never find a mate” – you are right.
Because if you recall your failures, and prophesy “I am a failure” – you are right.

Zig issued a challenge to my audience to simply change their response to the “how are you?” question. I chose the simple word, “Great!” Can I tell you that making this word my “normal” response changed my life?

A Transformation

Eventually, it was second nature. I easily responded GREAT! Not only that, it was true! People would ask me if I really was “great” and I really had to answer “yes” because I really was. In hindsight, I can see that every area of my life changed for the better from this small start.

The wisdom writer, Solomon says “as he thinks within himself, so he is.” Ouch! Male or female, the biggest source of degrading, unfulfilling, doubt-filled words over our lives likely comes from our own self-talk. How many times do the words that you speak about yourself (whether audibly, under your breath, or in your sub-conscious) come from a place of self-pity, self-doubt, self-hatred, worthlessness, hopelessness, depression, or disappointment? How often do you speak profanities over yourself – calling yourself stupid, idiotic, dumb… and worse?

Right about now, you might protest and say the negative self-concept you have comes not from yourself, but from your mother, father, spouse, former lover, boss, or whoever. That is probably true. Taken in full context, the words of Solomon suggest that the negativity of our hearts is contagious- to the degree that he counsels – do not eat the food served by a selfish man – because that misery in his heart will pass on to you and upset your stomach. It is no surprise that people who speak negatively of themselves also berate their children, their spouses, their neighbors, and anyone else they come into contact with. In effect, they pass on this toxicity and negativity as they might a virus.

Speaking of a virus, at the time of this writing, the world is in the midst of a pandemic. The impact has been widespread and devastating in the U.S. and around the world. Not one nation on the planet has been spared, not one people group has been spared, not one ethnicity, strata, or gender, has been spared. Can your life be “great” in the midst of a pandemic? In the midst of unimaginable loss? In the midst of uncertainty? Yes. Circumstances will change. You will have to adjust and readjust to varying conditions. You may need a therapist, counselor, coach, or other advisors to help you through the rough spots. But the attitude you bring to it is the difference between “fair to middlin’” and great. And that attitude or mindset shift makes all the difference in the world.

Unfortunately, as we say vicious, hurtful things to and about ourselves, circumstances, and futures- those words are often much worse and harsher than we would say to a stranger, let alone say to someone we love. Self-inflicted hurt is often repeated. The words preview our conduct, and eventually, that self-talk is manifested as reality. You have become what you spoke over yourself.

Here is the wonderful thing – you can control what comes from your mouth. You can stop the cycle that arose in your family of origin. You can change your environment. You can change your brain. You can begin to be “GREAT!” You can encourage yourself! You can call out your good qualities, strengths, and victories (and rejoice in them). You can tell yourself that you are good. You can look in the mirror and complement your good looks, your wonderful hair, your perfectly set eyes, your intellectual brilliance, and your celebratory efforts. You can experience your future right now.
Why wait? Right now, rather than degrade yourself, purpose to admire the absolutely unique, and marvelously awesome, YOU!

A Challenge

Accept the challenge that I accepted from Zig Zigler, 30 years ago. For 70 days, when someone asks how are you, upgrade your response from the middle of the road, mediocre, half-stepping place where you usually are. Respond with something that makes your enthusiasm for life soar. Do it every single time. Respond that you are “great,” “fantastic,” “wonderful,” “awesome” or like Zig, “better than good!” Chose a word that represents a positive response about where you want to be and where you are going, let that be your response. And remember, it’s not a lie – it’s a process. Believe it, and watch it become your truth. Let me know what happens when you try this simple practice. I can’t wait to hear.

Resources:
Ziglar, Zig, Better Than Good: Creating a Life You Can’t Wait to Live (2010)
Holy Bible, Proverbs 23:6-7 (NASB, 1995)
“The Impact of Coronovirus on Households across America,” https://www.rwjf.org/en/library/research/2020/09/the-impact-of-coronavirus-on-households-across-america.html#:~:text=COVID%2D19%20has%20created%20serious,problems%20during%20the%20coronavirus%20outbreak (accessed online on March 20, 2021).

Lessons Living Loving Social Commentary

Lessons from Stolen Clocks

March 6, 2021 Published by: gracebc813@gmail.com

photo by koolshooters — Photo by **KoolShooters** from **Pexels**

Rock Bottom Places

As I approached the house from the garage, my heart sank. The back door was open, actually forced open, swinging oddly as if off the hinge.

“We’ve been robbed!” I hollered to my daughters, both too young to really understand my upset. I grabbed the phone and began to mentally take notice of the house. All the kitchen cabinets were opened, evidence that a peanut butter sandwich had been made, peanut butter still on the knife, and bread was strewn on the counter. There was no jelly, though the open fridge showed the thief had looked.

“Who makes sandwiches while they are robbing someone?”, I wondered aloud.

The 911 operator came on and I reported that my house had been robbed. “Are they still there?”, she asked.

I had not considered that, and I quickly called the girls back to me.
“You have children with you? You should go outside and wait she said with a knowing concern. “Officers are on the way.”

I had never been robbed before, so followed the instruction and went outside to wait, taking the girls to the neighbor’s house.

When the police arrived, they went in and immediately, recoiled. “Wow, they cleaned you out!”

“They did?” I said coming in behind them and stretching around to see.

“Your kitchen table is gone!” He started to write it down.

“I didn’t have one,” I said glumly.

But looking around carefully, I noticed a bare wall, “Hey! They took the kitchen clock.”

“The clock? That’s odd.” He wrote down 1 clock.

Into the living room, he yelled, “Your television is gone!”

“No, I didn’t have a television.”

He pointed to an empty corner, and said hopefully, “They took your couch?”

“No, there was no furniture there.”

On my desk, he looked at the pile of papers, obviously ruffled through.

“Oh no, I don’t see the computer I had rented, looks like they took that.”

“You rented a computer?”

“Yes, I had to leave it when I left my home, so I rented one until I can afford to buy another.”

“Okay,” he said, writing down the details I could remember of the computer.

“You didn’t get a TV in the divorce?”

“Stereo?”

“No.”

As we headed to the second floor, I explained. “I have my daughters, my books, things that I value. My books!” I exclaimed, running up the stairs.

“Ma’am, there is no reason to run, in all the years I’ve been doing this, nobody has ever stolen a book.”

Phew… there were my books, still in boxes. Untouched. He peered over my shoulder, “You didn’t get the bookshelves?”

“No, I didn’t get any furniture except my daughters’ stuff. Hey, they took another clock from this room,” I pointed.

“When I get some money, this is going to be my library,” suddenly feeling like I had to offer some explanation for the sparsity of my living condition.

Into my sparse bedroom, he was silent. Looking at the floor by my bed, “Gee, they took my clock radio… I guess that means they took every clock I owned.”

“Well, it looks like they took clocks and a rented computer. You got off pretty well, Miss, they only stole stuff you don’t care about.”

“Why would anyone take clocks?” I murmured.

“Well, they couldn’t leave totally empty-handed, so they took the only things they could find. You are lucky, usually, they will trash a place. . . uh . . .like this.”

My neighbor ventured up the stairs with the girls in tow… they ran into their room, searching . . . and came out each holding their favorite stuffed animals. None of their stuff was taken, and I was pleased.

The officer checked around the house, declared it clean. He and his partner secured the door, and came back to finish the report. Looking at the volume of Colorado Civil Procedure open on my desk… said “Hey — are you a lawyer?”

“Yes,” I said meekly. “I am. I just opened an office on East Colfax.”

“You are a lawyer and you didn’t get anything in your divorce?” He was incredulous, and immediately doubted my prowess as a lawyer given my bad fortune and my dire surroundings.

I explained as I had before to folks, surprised by my poverty. “I had a choice to fight over a bunch of stuff that didn’t matter or leave with the things that mattered most to me and rebuild my life. I know it looks like I’m dirt poor and don’t have anything, but I got the best part. I got my daughters, healthy and happy; my books, my business, and my sanity. I can grow from here.”

In the end, I got the best part. “When you are at rock bottom, there is nowhere to go but up!”

He laughed as he looked at my empty living room, table-less kitchen, and now clock-less home. “You are right!” He declared, “you have nowhere to go but up!”

For a moment, the cloud that had enveloped me since my divorce lifted, and I really believed that it would be all right. My proclamation to the concerned cop had increased my own confidence and faith. I could really see that sometime in the future, I was going to be able to look back at these days one day with fondness. Despite my fear of the robbers coming back, that night I slept soundly, the first time in several months.

A few days later, there was a knock at the door, and there stood the officer, a new television under his arm. He set it in the empty living room explaining he told his fellow officers about me, and they took a collection and bought my children a television. Tears filled my eyes, I can’t take this, I protested. No, it’s yours, he insisted, as my girls started bouncing practically off the walls with delight! “Thank you, thank you so much!”

Lessons in Transitions
The two years of 1988-1990 were rock bottom places in my life. I learned that even at rock bottom there are a few more downward slips that can happen. The transitions in this story: from married to single, from partner parents to warring parents, from doing pretty well to impoverished, from looking “marvelous” to being exposed and ashamed are transitions. How we negotiate them is the difference between climbing out of the depths and taking up permanent residence there. Here are four lessons I learned.

You are not the first

There is a tendency to believe that whatever is happening to you has never happened to anyone in the history of humankind. As you take stock of your circumstances, seek to find a broader world view- beyond your own circumstances. Put yourself in the “course of human events.” If you are a reader, read biographies of those who have overcome circumstances similar to yours. Find a coach, mentor, guide, or friends who have had similar experiences and be open to learn from their experiences.

You are not alone

If you are mourning and grieving your losses and no earthly good to your children, your boss, your employees, and your family, find some counseling, quickly. Accept the offers of care, companionship, and concern that come your way. The friends that bolstered me during this dark period are still my friends today. The pure exhaustion of trying to do everything necessary to take care of my family and my business often left some loose ends. Rather than live in squalor, accept the offer of a friend to help clean up your house. Rather than end up with the children having scurvy, accept the offers of meals from friends. Let yourself be doted upon, and cared for by those who love you.

You are not at the end

How many times do we think in absolutes when we face life’s difficult spots?
“I’m finished.”
“I’ll never. . .”
“Why, me?”
It may be that your dead marriage is over, but life is not over for you! It may be that the job you were never very good at has mercifully ended with your termination, but it doesn’t mean you’ll not find a position that more aptly expresses your gifting and passion. You may have been evicted for nonpayment of rent, and sofa-surfing with friends, but it’s not the end. Once you accept that it is not the end, you can put one foot in front of the other, stepping, however gingerly, away from the “end” and into the bright unknown of the future. The darkest moments happen just as the dawn breaks. The promise is that the righteous may fall down, but they will get back up!

You are embarking on a new journey

The truth is that without unexpected endings and difficult dark places, there are no new beginnings. Instead of bemoaning these transition periods, pull out the binoculars and look toward the horizon. Ask yourself:
“What is over there?”
“Where am I going?”
“How am I going to get there?”
There is enthusiasm in the new – if you allow yourself to experience it.

Break free of wallowing in self-pity, shame, and sadness. Instead, realize that whatever was lost was necessary to shed to move to the next place – allow yourself to heal, and then pack your bags! Get ready for the “what’s next?” Prepare yourself for the new thing. Be on the lookout for the new opportunity! When the knock comes, swing the door open wide, and GO!
At the time these things happened, I was far away from my spiritual relationship with Christ, but I can look back now and see his presence in protecting me from …my most unpredictable enemy, myself. What about you, are you in a hard place? Do you need some encouragement to regain your footing? Have you ever had to climb from a pit of despair? Or traverse a mountain of problems? I’d love to hear how you traversed your dark places, in the comments below.

Living Loving Social Commentary Uncategorized

On the Dream – Martin Luther King (MLK) Day, 2021

January 18, 2021 Published by: gracebc813@gmail.com

It’s Martin Luther King Day, a National Day of Service, in the 53rd year since his death. I’ve experienced mixed feelings on this holiday.

Inexpressible joy and hope
When I lived in Denver, MLK Day was a vibrant day with a huge “Marade,” a celebratory march, community activities, and volunteering. There was a real interest in gathering together across racial, cultural, and economic lines and getting to know each other, walk together, and recommit to the ideals that Dr. King represented.

During those years in the 1990s, in that environment, at that time in my life, with my little girls at my side, I felt the joy of feeling tremendous progress, that the “dream” was birthing as a reality; that the fires of change still burned brightly, that progress was being made.

Today, not so much.

Instead of children not being judged by the color of their skin, young black and brown children are judged intently and negatively. Labeled. Denied. Left behind.

Instead of Black families living, growing, loving as model one and two-parent families, families are intentionally separated by policies, practices, prisons, and programs ostensibly designed to assist but became bureaucratic morasses that perpetuate poverty rather than facilitate wealth.

Instead of the nation melting together into a pot of cultures and peoples who together become something better than any were separate; some cry out that they are supreme, and demand acknowledgment that others are beneath them.

Instead of welcoming the teeming masses, we build walls, chant to close the southern border (but not the northern, which has quietly closed to us), fail to respond to brutality, turned our back on refugees, and shut our ears to the cry of widows and orphans.

Instead of demonstrating to the world the heart of God as a “Christian” nation, we shock the world with the spewing of hate, bigotry, misogyny, and ignorance from pulpits to the hallowed halls of leadership and courts of justice.

Instead of honoring the tradition of a peaceful transition of power, self-anointed “patriots” wave the spurious flag of insurrection, tread in the halls of Congress, desecrating it with urine and feces, guns, and obscenities, somehow thinking that in so doing they are making American great.

Instead of showing our primacy in health care and love for our neighbor, we have cited our rights in refusing to don a mask, wash hands, or physically distance and now 399,000 of our own have died, and we have accorded them no national honor, not even a moment of silence, let alone a day of mourning.

So on MLK Day 2021, I think of my three black grandsons, quickly passing the age where they are mere children to the age where they are suspects… and I wonder, surely this is not the Dream realized. Sadly, the Dream has been deferred.

However, I declare with my last breath and last drop of blood, the Dream will not be denied! What about you? How do you see the Dream? Please comment below, I’d love to hear from you.