Category Archives: Living

Living Loving Social Commentary Uncategorized

On the Dream – Martin Luther King (MLK) Day, 2021

January 18, 2021 Published by: gracebc813@gmail.com

It’s Martin Luther King Day, a National Day of Service, in the 53rd year since his death. I’ve experienced mixed feelings on this holiday.

Inexpressible joy and hope
When I lived in Denver, MLK Day was a vibrant day with a huge “Marade,” a celebratory march, community activities, and volunteering. There was a real interest in gathering together across racial, cultural, and economic lines and getting to know each other, walk together, and recommit to the ideals that Dr. King represented.

During those years in the 1990s, in that environment, at that time in my life, with my little girls at my side, I felt the joy of feeling tremendous progress, that the “dream” was birthing as a reality; that the fires of change still burned brightly, that progress was being made.

Today, not so much.

Instead of children not being judged by the color of their skin, young black and brown children are judged intently and negatively. Labeled. Denied. Left behind.

Instead of Black families living, growing, loving as model one and two-parent families, families are intentionally separated by policies, practices, prisons, and programs ostensibly designed to assist but became bureaucratic morasses that perpetuate poverty rather than facilitate wealth.

Instead of the nation melting together into a pot of cultures and peoples who together become something better than any were separate; some cry out that they are supreme, and demand acknowledgment that others are beneath them.

Instead of welcoming the teeming masses, we build walls, chant to close the southern border (but not the northern, which has quietly closed to us), fail to respond to brutality, turned our back on refugees, and shut our ears to the cry of widows and orphans.

Instead of demonstrating to the world the heart of God as a “Christian” nation, we shock the world with the spewing of hate, bigotry, misogyny, and ignorance from pulpits to the hallowed halls of leadership and courts of justice.

Instead of honoring the tradition of a peaceful transition of power, self-anointed “patriots” wave the spurious flag of insurrection, tread in the halls of Congress, desecrating it with urine and feces, guns, and obscenities, somehow thinking that in so doing they are making American great.

Instead of showing our primacy in health care and love for our neighbor, we have cited our rights in refusing to don a mask, wash hands, or physically distance and now 399,000 of our own have died, and we have accorded them no national honor, not even a moment of silence, let alone a day of mourning.

So on MLK Day 2021, I think of my three black grandsons, quickly passing the age where they are mere children to the age where they are suspects… and I wonder, surely this is not the Dream realized. Sadly, the Dream has been deferred.

However, I declare with my last breath and last drop of blood, the Dream will not be denied! What about you? How do you see the Dream? Please comment below, I’d love to hear from you.

Living Productivity

Out of the Chaos . . . Into the Good

January 17, 2021 Published by: gracebc813@gmail.com

No matter where you are on the globe, the beginning of the decade in 2020 was met with great expectation, optimism, and hope which was quickly dashed. In a matter of weeks, everything everywhere had changed. Chaos ensued.

Chaos is defined in a variety of academic contexts – including theology, physics, mathematics, and economics. At its simplest, the Cambridge Dictionary defines it as “a state of total confusion with no order.”

Chaos Theory and Productivity

Chaos theory is a mathematical theory used to explain complex systems in meteorology, astronomy, politics, and economics. These systems appear to behave randomly, but chaos theory posits that, in reality, there is an underlying order. There are principles in chaos theory that are useful for helping us move out of the chaos in 2021, come what will. First, under the right conditions, chaos spontaneously evolves into order. Second, small changes in initial conditions produce large changes in long-term outcomes.

The Ringing Effect

Chaos theoreticians notice that when a system reaches about 90% capacity, the smallest change affects the entire system exponentially. This explains snarled rush-hour traffic. One person’s minor braking when the traffic volume is at 90% or more causes miles of traffic to slow and eventually stop, while the same minor braking action at 40% or 10% capacity has absolutely no effect on the efficiency of the traffic system.

This is called the “ringing effect,” and it affects virtually every system tested including natural systems (weather), manmade systems (interstate highways), digital systems, and even board games. In the world of productivity, time management is a system, which can also benefit from applying principles from chaos theory.

If at 90% capacity, traffic crawls to a halt after random braking, what does booking your calendar to 90-100% capacity every day, month, and year do to your productivity? It puts you in a constant traffic jam. You are in never-ending chaos! Does one unexpected item throw your entire day or week off schedule? Can one e-mail create a cascade of missed or rescheduled appointments, shifted deadlines, and high stress? This is chaos, and Chaos theory suggests a simple solution: preschedule only 75% of your calendar.

Matthew Perman in What’s Best Next: How the Gospel Transforms How You Get Things Done (Zondervan, 2014), suggests that this practice allows emergent items to be handled without impacting the entire system. With margin automatically built into your calendar, a small change is easily accommodated and does not totally derail your day or week. Understanding this principle has the potential to move you from chaos to good in every domain of your life.

The Butterfly Effect

Similarly, the “butterfly effect” – the idea that small changes in initial conditions cause large changes in long-term outcomes – does not have to be negative or random changes. The smallest change imaginable, done consistently over time will produce exponential results.

Remember the chaos? Implementing these changes can reduce the impact of the ringing effect, and harness the butterfly effect to bring you out of the chaos and into the good. How about you? What small changes can add to your system to produce the positive outcomes you desire? What habits, rituals, and incremental practices can you implement for your good? Let me know in the comments below.

Planning Productivity

From “Flash in the Pan” to Accomplishing Your Grandest Goals

January 3, 2021 Published by: gracebc813@gmail.com

January 3, 2021

Welcome and Happy New Year! I started this blog on my 60th birthday. My goal was to build a platform for self-expression and encouraging others as I explored this decade of my life. I planned to publish twice a month. It was a “flash in the pan” – a “sudden spasmodic effort that accomplishes nothing.” In short, a complete failure!

Try as I might, I just couldn’t bring myself to write and publish my work. Instead, I spent hours studying topics to write about. I spent money on courses and books about how to write and build an audience. I went to seminars and talked about wanting to write. I hired coaches and explored the ins and out of a lot of things –except why I couldn’t press the “publish” button. The result was NOTHING! In the 4 four years since my launch, not a single piece was published.

REFRAME AND OVERCOME FEAR

Why? The first and obvious reason was FEAR (False Evidence Appearing Real) – fear of revealing myself as a writer. Fear of criticism, and of internet hate mail. Fear of going viral, and fear of no one ever reading a single word I write. Fear of embarrassment. Fear of being discovered (and of not being discovered). In the end, fear kept me from posting any of the many posts I wrote.

Instead of allowing my imagined fears to continue to hold my dream hostage, I reframed FEAR to a new acronym: Face Everything And Rise, and used it to propel myself beyond my fear. Instead of convincing myself that the evidence behind my fear is false, I decided to face it, accept it, and rise above it.

TAKE APPROPRIATE, CONSISTENT ACTION

The second impediment to producing my writing was ACTION – For a writer, the action is obvious – writers must write. Writers make a habit of writing. I have a day job, so action requires setting routines and practices to find daily opportunities to write. Morning? Evening? Lunchtime?

I experimented and found a slice of time in the evening after work, and after dinner. I calendared the appointment with myself, just before bed, and committed to a tiny writing goal of 50 words a day. Over time this morphed into a morning pages practice of 750 words a day. This month, I’m committed to taking action and writing 500 words a day toward my writing projects.

DON’T WAIT FOR YOUR UNIQUE VOICE

The third problem keeping me from writing was VOICE –writers write in a unique way -how did I want to express myself? A writing instructor talked about finding “voice”- and then left me on the road, without much of a clue about where I would find my voice. A writer without a voice is SILENT. So I went looking for mine. I compared myself to others – some write with a familiar, homey voice, others in an academic voice, with authority backed by copious research. Still others possess the voice of the sage, preacher, or activist.

In looking for a voice to imitate, I finally figured it out! Voice comes as you write – as you write more and more, your voice and style develop! Voice is a product of writing. If I write, the VOICE will come. If you speak, if you develop, if you make music or widgets- your unique market presence will develop as you take action, experiment, and grow.

NO AUDIENCE, NO MATTER

The fourth reason I could not write was that I had not identified an AUDIENCE. There is a conundrum posed by philosopher George Berkeley, “If a tree falls in a forest and no one hears it, does it make a sound?” So it is for a writer without an audience. Who exactly am I writing for? What are their interests, concerns, and problems? Some writers have an avatar of their ideal audience to remind them who they are writing for. I wonder if I’m in their audience avatar and if they would be in mine? Is there another road that I need to travel to find my “tribe?” Perhaps, but one thing is for sure, a fearful, inactive, silent, non-writer will never find the audience that is waiting to hear what she has to say.

I know I’m not the first writer to have these problems so I’m in good company. Almost every blogger I follow has admitted to facing fear and trepidation about writing and publishing. They admit they have felt insignificant and unqualified to write about the subject that was their niche. But they decided that the FEAR could be transformed and defeated by ACTION. They learned that consistent action develops a keen, unique VOICE, that speaks volumes to their peculiar, hungry AUDIENCE that reads, responds, and benefits from their observations, insights, and encouragement.

How about you? As you push into the first quarter of this year is there something that you just never got around to doing last year because you were hampered by fear? Did you start a project, business, or side gig, but quickly became sidetracked by inertia and inaction? Was there a project that you just couldn’t start because it didn’t feel like it was uniquely yours – it didn’t have your voice? Maybe you have a business with few or no customers or clients – you lack an audience? What can you do to push beyond these four impediments to moving ahead? I’d love to hear your story in the comments below.

Have a great week!

Grace

Living Planning Productivity

Living without a Plan? Why you Need a Life Plan Before 2016 Ends!

November 27, 2016 Published by: gracebc813@gmail.com

Its the season for assessing, planning and dreaming! Does this sound like you: Bucket list? Check! New Year’s Resolutions? Check! Agenda? Digital Calendar? Nozbe? Evernote? Outlook? Check, check, check! All of these systems have one thing in common – they are missing the anchor of an overall life plan.

For a whopping 92% of folks success with resolutions is limited. Only a few weeks after the roaring New Year’s start the list is forgotten, the resolutions abandoned, the agenda and calendar reduced to nothing more than appointment reminders — all until this time next year, when the list is rewritten, the resolutions recommitted, year after year, season after season.

I am writing this post only a few days after visiting the ancient Mayan ruins at Chichen Izta and Tulum in Mexico (right). The Mayan people believed in cycles. Their calendar of days, months, years and generations reflect an understanding that just as the moon moves around the Earth, and the Earth around the sun at a predictable clip, life too, can be viewed in seasons and cycles.

I recently reviewed my long abandoned Franklin Planner goal setting pages. Some of these entries were written as far back as 1991. I wanted to encourage myself by looking at how much I had progressed, but instead it was a sobering wake-up call. Some of my “goals” were still on my list, unmet and some unaddressed, after almost 25 years! Hello, reach goal weight? Some had fallen off the list, with a check mark signaling “accomplished” – stop smoking – yay! – gone in 1994. Others, had been lost in the busyness of life: write a daily devotional for my children started in 1993; mentoring young lawyers… umm-still a strong desire, but no plan. I was bummed AND inspired.

How about you? Is your bucket list just a list of stuff you’d like to do, but really have no plan to do? Does your commitment to your New Year’s resolutions make it beyond the end of January? If you looked back 5, 10, 15 or 25 years- would you be able to say that you worked your plan or did your plan get waylaid by the demands of the day – the busyness of work, the rearing of children, the getting a business or career off of the ground? When I was a praticing attorney, I assisted clients with estate plans – comprehensive planning to address what happens during the end of life and beyond. Most people think about their will and end of life directives at some point, but incredibly, very few people of any age spend any time thinking about and preparing a plan for living the life they want.

Before you waste another moment’s energy with New Year’s Resolutions – let me suggests another approach. Just like in an estate plan, we begin with the end in mind. Daniel Harkevy and Michael Hyatt’s book Living Forward: A Proven Method to Stop Drifting and Get the Life you Want (2016) challenged and inspired me to draft a life plan and then begin to work that plan. So what exactly is it? A life plan is a living document you will tweak and adjust as necessary for the rest of your life. It is:

A short written document (8-15 pages long)
Created by you and for you;
Describing how you want to be remembered;
Articulating your personal priorities; and
Providing specific actions to take you from where you are to where you want to be in every major area of your life

What kind of life is it that you really want to lead? Are you doing the things that will get you there? What do you imagine people will say about you when they eulogize you? This is a bit morose, but an important exercise in Living Forward to gain clarity about the life you are living is to imagine what will be said at your funeral if you continue along your current path. More positively, how can you influence how you are remembered by those you care about? Will your children say you were a great provider, but they didn’t really know you? Will your dreams of being a world traveler succumb with you because you never got around to getting a passport? Will you have forsaken significant relationships in pursuit of perfection? Or will they remember you as always full of money-making ideas, but falling short on implementation? The more honest you are in writing these eulogies from the perspectives of those who matter most to you, the better able you will be to make a life plan that inspires you.

When I prepared an estate plan, I gave my clients an extensive questionnaire to complete to begin the planning process. It would take them some time and thought to get through it. Similarly, drafting a life plan is not a 10 minute frantically written wish list completed at 11:50 on New Year’s Eve. This is a thoughtful, multi-phase process. In Living Forward, a full 8-hour day is suggested to prepare your initial draft, followed by daily, weekly, quarterly and annual reviews.

One thing that intrigued me about my old goal setting lists is that several aspects of life were never on the lists. When I was a single, self-employed mother, I did not set goals about things that were not in someway related to making or spending money. My goals were strong on work and on my children, not much on relationships, friendships, hobbies or self-improvement (beyond losing weight). The Living Forward method suggests attention and planning in every area of life, so that financial planning and business planning can be a part of the life plan, but they are not entire life plan. Through an assessment tool, these areas of life are scored by your current passion and progress to determine where you are drifting, lifting, gifting or shifting in each. This is your current rating.

Life planning helps you gain clarity and direction in various “life accounts.” Then your accounts are grouped and ranked in terms of priority. For example, in thinking about what my friends might say of me, I realized that in recent years, I spent little time or energy cultivating relationships with people I think of as my friends. I did not regularly set aside time to visit with my friends and I had not made any new friends. I wanted to be remembered as a good, faithful and conscientious friend. In this area of friendships I developed a purpose statement, an envisioned future and acknowledged my current reality. Then I identified and put on my calendar some action steps I could take to begin to work this aspect of my plan. The first action item on my list was to “set 1 or 2 in-person meet-ups with friends each month.” A couple of e-mails and text messages, and a lunch date was set with one friend and a hike with another. Progress!

Life planning also has great utility in helping clarify priorities. Once your plan is developed, you are better able to see whether a certain activity is really going to move you forward in one of your life accounts or not. For example, an account with greater priority should take precedence over an account with lesser priority. I noticed that often I would let my commitment to exercise (part of my health, vitality and fitness account) go by the wayside because of a work demand. So rather than doing my morning exercise routine, I’d get a “head start” on my work day by checking email or writing. The time I had planned for exercise was lost. However, by gaining clarity of the importance of this commitment, I less frequently miss my morning exercise commitment because I’m distracted by work (okay, I’m a work in progress!)

So who needs a life plan? In short, everyone! Whether you are a Centennial, Millennial, Generation X, Y, Z, a rocking Boomer or a Traditionalist, a life plan will inspire, feed your vision and bring joy.

What about you? Do you have a written life plan? Do you regularly envision your future and evaluate whether you are taking the steps needed to get you to your desired outcome? Respond in the comments and get the discussion going! Until next time,

Grace

For more information and some great bonuses from the book Living Forward, check out http://www.livingforwardbook.com. For an interview of Daniel Harkevy by one of my favorite podcasters, Jeff Sanders check out: https://www.jeffsanders.com/step-by-step-life-planning-with-daniel-harkavy-podcast-141/

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